1. We're both "sick".
2. We're both "waiting".
you see, my computer has this problem where it takes a loooooong time to start any process, even just starting up. but it's seemingly random. some times it runs fine for hours, other times, I'm stuck staring at a multi-colored pinwheel, while my computer is "waiting" to catch up with itself.
Well, right now my life seems to be full of seemingly random waiting. Waiting on God, in particular. Waiting to see where He's going to lead me. Waiting to see if He wants me here or there, doing this or that.
This is not the "I'm just sitting around", kind of waiting. I'm involved in what God has placed before me currently (and very possibly permanently, although I'm not entirely persuaded), and I'm growing and drawing closer to Him daily through prayer, scripture, study and even some fellowship.
But sometimes i picture my life as a filing cabinet, with a bunch of different files. Things marked, "family", "work", "missions", "friends", "finances", "volunteering", "relationship", "ministry", "emotions", "future" and probably a bunch more that I just can't think of right now. So when I "open" the files in my mind, it seems a great deal of them are tagged with a sticky note marked, "Waiting".
Waiting on what? Conviction. Direction. Assurance. Approval.
Now before you start harping on me, no, I'm not waiting for the clouds to part, and God to point His finger at where I should live, who I should marry, what job I should have, all while saying, "THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO" in an all-knowing voice.
I'm just waiting for
Conviction: to have an outstanding passion about something in particular that gives me purpose and DIRECTION in serving God.
Direction: a path; how and where I should use what passions I have, being SURE that God can (but not necessarily will) use me in the certain area.
Assurance: knowing specifically that God is active in the situation and has called me to it, because it's obvious that He is opening doors.
Approval: one facet of God opening doors: the approval and support of my God-fearing and God-seeking parents, and some other mentors in my life.
And I'm not saying this is a fool-proof plan, that if I wait long enough, or search enough paths it's gonna plop me smack-dab in the middle of the perfect life where i'll serve out the rest of my days.
It's just something I've kind of gathered from experience, for me to use as I actively pursue what God wants from me. And as he leads me through open doors and away from closed ones, I'm sure my desires and ideas will change, to fit where He's leading me next, and maybe even my method of discerning will change too...
But I'm just kind of waiting on God.
Some of my favorite passages are Psalms (surprise!) 27, 37 and 130.
They all talk about waiting on God, but are so good all the way through, that I don't want to clip out parts, so I'll just post the links and you can follow them, if you'd like:
and finally, a song that I often seem to have the chorus stuck in my head =) =)
it's so simple and catchy and kept playing itself in my head as I wrote this post.
So anyway. this is a raaather long post... It's also a raaaather big part of my life (as if you couldn't already tell).